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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?