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There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
If you ever feel like a failure, just know that somewhere in the world, someone just lost their straw inside a Capri Sun.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.