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Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
Valentines day
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.