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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
why do i feel like you are reading this
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!