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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.