Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
I’m bored enough to clean.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
What’s the answer to this question?
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.