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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....