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"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means Iām not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
If a 747 can carry a f*cking space shuttle on its back, Iām calling bullsh!t on an overweight baggage charge.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.