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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.