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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.