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In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
"May the 4th" be with you!
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.