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I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.