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I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”