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I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.