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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
Don`t believe everything you think.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.