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One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
If you can’t face it, moon it.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.