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When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
Gravity is a real downer.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.