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Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
gua suka sama kamu