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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"