Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
I secretly like days when none of my Facebook friends have birthdays.