Daily Silly Status

Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.

You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.

I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.

I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"

I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them

I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”

Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.

I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.

The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.

They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!

This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!

I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.

My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...

1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.