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Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
Iām not in denial, Iām just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.