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Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.