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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?