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I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
This recliner and I go way back.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.