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I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.