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It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about