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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.