Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?