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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
why me is me ?
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.