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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
โAre you working right now? Where are you working?โ Facebook is worse than my parents.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.