Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.