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Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
Valentines day
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?