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Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.