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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.