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If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
No pants are the best pants.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
“I saw that.” -Karma
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.