Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.