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I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
exercise........you mean extra fries
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.