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Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.