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I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep