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I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!