Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.