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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
Party like you will never be invited to another!
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
I want to sleep tighter
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her