Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
Born free. Now, Iām expensive.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!