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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)