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PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.
gua suka sama kamu