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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.