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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around