Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......