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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?