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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?