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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode