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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.