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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
It seems like the ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon