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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
No pants are the best pants.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Personally, I think failure should be an option