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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.