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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
My cardio is shopping.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.