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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!