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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
Gun Control: Use both hands
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.